Like many other little girls, I greatly enjoyed the Disney princess movies growing up. In fact, it is still fun to pop some popcorn, get cozy on the couch, and get carried away by the magic, music, and imagination. I loved how in these movies the heroines always overcame their struggles and found their “happily ever after”. They ended up with a perfect love and a promise of a secure and happy life. I often find myself longing for that ideal, and instead finding a disconnect between my expectations and reality.
It is easy for me to believe that I can somehow create “perfect” around me if I work hard enough and do things correctly. If I make the right choices, eat the right food, follow the right exercises, use wise financial planning, (and so on…), surely the result should be a perfect life. I set up high expectations for myself, but not only myself! I also have idealistic expectations for everyone around me and when people do not meet those standards I become disappointed, frustrated, and even angry. “Why are they ruining my perfect?!” When I find myself not measuring up, I become depressed and filled with shame. I find myself believing that I must not be good enough, worthy enough, or smart enough. It is in this place of helplessness that I recognize my need for Christ, and through His grace I have come to realize that I am lifting unnecessary burdens: the burdens of perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, idealism, and shame.
In Galatians, Paul warns about “false Christians” who enslave others by requiring them to follow their Jewish regulations. In verse 2:16 he reminds us that “…a person is made right with God by faith in Jesus Christ, not by obeying the law.” He warns in verse 2: 18 about trying to “rebuild the old system of law” that has already been torn down. In Galatians 3:3 Paul asks, “…Why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?” When we set unrealistic standards and criteria for ourselves and others, we are really rebuilding an ungodly system of laws that we can never measure up to. We are choosing to live in slavery to a system of expectations, rather than living in the freedom of God’s grace.
The truth is, we cannot control our circumstances. Our families may not look “ideal”. Our career paths and dreams can easily be shattered. The people in our lives will not always meet expectations or fit the role we had in mind.
We need to surrender these burdens of perfectionism and idealism to Jesus. We need to humbly accept our imperfections and count on God to be strong in our weakness. We need to love others without setting up impossible expectations or societal norms for them to follow. Finally, we need to deal with shame by having the courage to be vulnerable and accepting the security of God’s grace. Then, we can live in true freedom.
Galatians 5:1: So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.
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